DETOUR.

It's another of those days that sneak up upon me once too often. When this feeling slowly and sneakily creeps up, building its forté…and then hits you with a blinding realization tinged with that horrible feeling of guilt.
Where am I going with this life?

Well, honestly I’m one of those people who’d rather let life take me where it wants to. I just trudge along, making the minimum effort to pull on life’s finger and tell it where I want it to go. I have never been up to that. “Everyday is exactly the same”, the Nine Inch Nails said…and I’d say that will apply to me…until I take a step back and look at the whole picture, the work of art that is my life, and like an abstract painting that at first didn't make any sense, my whole life shows me a completely different view. Life has changed, even after the mind-numbing boring monotony of my days, and it has changed beyond what I had imagined. Things have happened that I never imagined I’d do, all under the guise of a supposedly normal life. I could look down at a teenage me right now and say, “Bet you never thought all of that would be out there…Did you?” It’s a piece of work that’s so beautiful and yet so ugly. It’s so simple and so complicated at the same time.

Beautiful. Ugly.
Simple. Complicated. Two faced.

So, let’s see. What I’m doing with my life? I am indulging myself, but there are a few indulgences that seem to be missing. And seem too far. Time is precious. It’s better to start now, the later I get, the more I delay. It’s inevitable. I’m not sticking to the “means to an end” rule…but that’s how the world works, so I’ll have to bend, but only I can decide how long to do that, the sooner I get out the better it’ll be. I've had such "inspired" days before, the bloody things just keep surfacing back up. And if you know me you're probably thinking to yourself "Let's see how long it lasts this time." and I agree...let's see how far i can get this time. Sometime it shall materialize. I need to differentiate between passion and an “oh-i-wanna-do-that-too” crush. I need to seek out the possibilities. The entire “Is this what you really want to be doing the rest of your life” thing…IT IS TRUE, sadly. Look for the other roads. Go through my map. Navigate.
Take a tug on life’s finger. Make it follow me.
And I won’t be scared to go down an unknown road.